Fumble! Food Follies

Wow, where do I start???

Let’s see… do I mention my most embarrassing moment in, like, forever?! We’ll just leave it at: I was getting the kids loaded up after church. I’m leaning across the seat, rolling down the windows. Big gust of wind comes, catches under my skirt, and, as I step back down onto the parking lot, it blows my skirt completely up. We’ve all seen the Marilyn Monroe picture… well, think of that but about 5 kazillion times worse. Long skirt… completely up and over my back.

Then there’s this evening when the kids were all outside eating dinner. N had already left for work. I was in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher (which reminds me… it is still awaiting reloading!), and T was sitting in his walker watching me. I looked out the window and saw all the kids around the little tree in the backyard. They were reaching up and waving sticks around, and it looked like they were trying to pull down branches. They weren’t, but when I thought they were, I went outside to stop them. After settling that, M says something about how they saw a man in an orange shirt that said “10%” on it. I asked if he was out in the park, and she said that he was over on the patio behind the garage, she thought—that when they were on the deck eating, she thought she saw him, but when she turned, it looked like he went away. So I start to go into “panic mode” and began to interrogate… “There was a man in the backyard? Tell me exactly what you saw.” She says something about what she thinks she might’ve seen. Anyways, we’ll just keep it short and get to the part where L says, “Well, Moma, we were thinking it might be the missionary who drinks milk.” To which, M chimes in, “Yeah, Mom… we think we might’ve seen him in the garden picking tomatoes, too!” Then they all proceeded to continue looking in the backyard for the “riddles” to the mystery man. (Even so, I checked the garage to double-check that the doors and window were closed and locked.)

Tonight I was putting the food in the dog’s bowl, and in a moment of total wet-noodle fingers, I somehow fumbled the pitcher of food. This was unfortunate because it happened just as T was wanting to eat his dinner. And unfortunate because I just recently refilled the pitcher. And unfortunate because the dog bowl is in the laundry room. And unfortunate because it didn’t just spill on the laundry room floor but on the floor between the washer and dryer… and much of it into the trashcan full of dryer lint and some into the box of dryer sheets and into the pile of clothes in front of the washer getting ready to be washed. And unfortunate because it wasn’t food I could just throw away… since our dog is now on special “allergy food” I actually felt it was necessary to retrieve every piece possible… outside of moving the washer and dryer to get the ones that are now under them, I dug through the trash and everything. But most unfortunate was that I forgot to take a picture of my grand mess… until it was almost cleaned! It was actually quite humorous… but that might just be because I’m tired and a bit loopy.

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