Things to know

Mateless socks, particularly frilly ones, make great Barbie-doll dresses.

Multi-task during toilet time
Blessing #4 has decided, that while she is sitting on the potty, it is a good time to dip her toes in the water. Now she can go potty and wash her feet at the same time! But try not to splash… efficiency is lost when water is sloshed all over the floor.

Poop bounces… just not very high
As Blessing #4 was undressing to take a shower, she pulled off her diaper. But simultaneous to pulling off the diaper, she was also matter-of-factly informing me “I went poop.” Unfortunately, she had, indeed, gone poop. Also unfortunate is that the diaper was not being removed in a slow and gentle manner, but rather, it was whipped off with much gusto and enthusiasm. A whipped-off diaper equals airborne poop. A ball of airborne poop, as it has not yet been smashed by a sitting bottom, will first fly and then fall and then bounce… but only just a little.

Holster your weapon
We know that biting hurts. And we know the tongue can say hurtful things. Now we also know that there are guns inside of our mouths… and apparently they’re holding our teeth. So the next time someone says, “Shoot!” or “Fire away!” it will have a whole new meaning to you.

Snacktime
When your 2-year old decides to snack on a piece of bread, be sure she learns to re-close the bag. Otherwise, you will enter the kitchen to find an entire loaf spilled like dominoes… over the edge of the counter, onto the barstools, and down to the floor. And you will also find your dog rapidly ingesting the spoils.

Mmm... yummy
Every once in a while, remove everything from the drawer in your refrigerator. Because sometimes, there will be a lemon that has been hiding under the bag of onions. And, honestly, you have no idea how long it has been there because you can’t remember the last time you bought a lemon. And this discovery, by far, is one of the most disturbing refrigerator finds… ever.

A great deal is a great steal
After leaving the checkout line with a good purchase at a really great deal, Blessing #3 was quick to let everyone (yes, everyone) know- and to let them know in his loud & proud voice- that “This wasn’t ours until we stole it from Wal-Mart!” I think that possibly everyone (yes, everyone) heard him, but I don’t know that anyone (no, not anyone) heard me saying, “Bought. We bought it.”

You absolutely should cry over spilled milk soda
There is no need to feel guilty after purchasing a large fountain drink. You will not have to worry about it going straight to your hips or your thighs or your belly. You will not have to worry about it eating away at your bones. Because, for no other explainable reason than that Styrofoam has an uncanny ability to read minds, the bottom of your cup will fall out, sending out a great gush of soda… and you will be left holding an empty (and truly bottomless) cup. No soda, no guilt. Maybe no guilt but definitely frustration. Because this cup will not malfunction until right after you have opened the front door and stepped into the house. The guilt of carbonated indulgence may be better than the multiple moppings, wall scrubbings, jacket launderings, and paper dryings that come with the sticky mess that is covering absolutely everything in your entryway.

Monkey talk... by a 3-year old

On a particularly foggy morning, he told me to look at all the frogs in the sky.

He also asked me to make coffee on the printer, so he’d have two copies of his drawing.

It’s called “library” because there’s a “B” in it… and because you can lie when you’re there- but only if they let you.

There are oaks inside of eggs… yellow ones.

Mermaids’ chest buttons are made of clam shells.

It is not called a “mailbox.” Rather, it is called “the box that you walk up to and get the mail. God named it that way. Because that’s what He likes."

There is a dow in window "because windows are made out of dough. Like a pie. God calls them windows because that is what He likes to do. "

After playing outside in the newly-fallen autumn leaves, he now informs me that he knows what it feels like to have fleas in his hair.

(And all this thinking wears out a little boy... so this little monkey can sleep just about anywhere. )







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