Tuesday's Tidbits

Barbies, clothing (sock dresses and all) and accessories included, are machine washable… at least when your 12+ year-old cat is seemingly, but only on occasion and only if it’s cold outside, nighttime incontinent and relieves himself in the Barbie storage box that was left opened in the middle of the living room floor. Barbies will also go through the dryer on the air fluff cycle quite nicely.

When a baby finds a Post-It note on the kitchen floor, he will stick it in his mouth and keep it in there until he either swallows it or it disintegrates into nothingness. You will only know he has eaten your written reminder when you discover his “Tang” mouth… specifically when you notice the bright fluorescent-orange tongue glowing inside of it.

A spraying water bottle, initially purchased to ease home haircuts, is a great disciplinary tool. For example, if your kids are having trouble settling down and staying in their beds, or even in their rooms for that matter, just give the trigger a pull, send out a mist, and you will not find those monkeys in the hallway again. (Remember, proper aim is important. This method is not fully effective unless the spray goes toward the face.) The bottle also serves a triple purpose, as it works wonderfully in aiding the removal of a chubby finger stuck inside a hole on a metal bracket. Mom can quickly grab the water along with a bottle of hand soap and alternately spray and squirt, while gently wiggling the swelling finger out of its little prison.

When taking five little kids to the dentist office, Mom will think ahead to plan on ways to make the visit pleasant and fairly uneventful while the older two are in their appointments.

Grand Idea #1: The Snack Distraction
Mom plans on taking the kids’ new water bottles with the little snack cubbies on the bottoms. Then Mom remembers the “Please No Food or Drink” sign on the front doors of the building. Unfortunately, Mom has already shared her Grand Idea with the kids.

Grand Idea #2: Monkey Management
Mom knows that naps are essential for the sanity of everyone. Nevertheless, seemingly insufficient car naps, especially those taken on the way to the dentist, result in rather crabby children when those children are awakened from their sweet slumber in order to make the cold trek across the parking lot and into the otherwise quiet dental offices. Unfortunately, Mom has only two hips and she has three needy children.

Grand Idea #3: Travel Lightly
Limiting the amount of luggage makes for an easier trip into and out of the reception room. Leaving the car with only her five children and a purse (and, of course, the camera), Mom will already be inside before she remembers that when leaving a diaper bag in the car, Murphy’s Law will certainly come into effect. Unfortunately, she will be certain of this when she looks over to her baby and sees his grimace while simultaneously hearing the telltale “I’m pooping” grunt. (But fortunately for this blog, Mom snapped a picture of the boy mid-grunt.)

Mom knows that children can come up with the most profound thoughts. I’ll leave you with this breakfast conversation…

After Blessing #2 told me my food in the oven smelled “divine” (certainly only because it was not her breakfast), she then asked me what divine meant. So after I talked about divine, we then talked about heavenly. And from there we talked about heaven and things we will see in heaven. We talked about the peaceful, beautiful, happy place full of love and praise and worship and joy. We talked about seeing pearly gates and streets of gold. I didn’t get any farther because it was at this point that B#1 decided to join into the conversation. At first I thought she was just spewing out some 6 year-old sass...

B#1: You probably wouldn’t ever even see those things in heaven, though.
Monkey Moma: And why not?
B#1: Because when you’re in heaven, you maybe won’t see them...
I know I’m gonna wanna spend all my time looking at Jesus.

Wow.

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